Fed, Aldrich stimulate economy by using paper currency as absorbent material

In a surprise move, Aldrich has announced that it is helping the Federal Reserve use its excess of US dollars by stuffing them into their containers in place of vermiculite. "As a part of the latest nominal GDP targeting program that Chairman Bernanke has announced, the Fed has given us several thousand pallets of dollar bills to be used instead of that weird gray absorbent rabbit pellet looking stuff. Hey, grad students, postdocs and other bench scientists are the most likely to actually put cash into the economy by spending it."

A spokesman for the Federal Reserve Board of Governors released a statement saying, "We thank Sigma-Aldrich for their help in releasing hard currency to the general public. It is unfortunate that Sikorsky would not sell us helicopters for our project on a larger scale, but we believe that our friends in Milwaukee will have a similar effect. We  have also instructed that we will not allow Federal Reserve Notes to be used as packing material in Aldrich brand tetrakis(triphenylphosphine)palladium, since we want our money to be spent and not hang around in the warehouses."