A Christmas letter for your family

A Chemjobber Christmas tradition, updated for 2025. Send a PDF to your family - try it, it works! 

December 22, 2025

Dear family member:

This holiday season, your relative is in his or her fifth/sixth/seventh/_______ year of graduate school in chemistry. This is a delicate time in your students’ lives -- please make interactions smooth for all by following these simple suggestions:

1. Please supply lots of fresh fruit and vegetables -- they are in short supply. 

2. Do not offer pizza, which is an all-too-common part of their diets. 

3. Sleep is a rare commodity in graduate school; please turn down sheets and fluff pillows. Be prepared to see them about 24 hours after they get home.
   
   

In attempting to communicate with your graduate student, please avoid asking the following questions: 

1. When are you going to finish? 

2. What can you do with your degree? 

3. Will you be the kind of doctor that helps people? 

4. Can you get a job at FDA? I heard there are a lot of openings there. 

5. There's a clinical chemistry department at my hospital -- can you get a job there? 

6. Why do you need a postdoc? Haven't you gone to enough school? 

7. Can you explain “6-7” to me? 

8. MEGABIOGENE has opened a facility nearby -- can you get a job there?  

9. What prompts did you use to perform your research? 

10. I see [insert high school rival here] has finished medical school -- how much will they be
    making? 

11. Have you thought about teaching? I heard professors have a stable job. 

12. When are you going to finish? 

In following these simple suggestions, I trust that you, your graduate student and your family will have a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

Very sincerely,

Chemjobber 

Xenon for mountain climbing?

Via the New York Times: 

Climbing Mount Everest typically takes weeks, with most of that time spent at the foot of the mountain adjusting to the thin air. But four British men last week shrank that timeline dramatically, traveling from London to the summit and back in less than a week, according to the organizer of their expedition.

They skipped the adjustment period, in part, by inhaling a secret weapon: xenon gas.

Their feat has roiled the world of mountaineering and prompted an investigation by the Nepalese government, as use of the gas is fiercely debated. Some research has shown that xenon can quickly acclimatize people to high altitudes, even as some experts say the benefits, if any, are negligible and the side effects of its use remain unclear.

Organizers said the gas was key to the speed of the climb, but their approach has prompted a broader debate that strikes at the core of mountaineering: Should scaling Mount Everest, one of sporting’s greatest accomplishments, be made easier — available to more people during a quick vacation — with the help of a performance enhancer?

Xenon, an odorless gas, has been known for years to activate a molecule called the hypoxia-inducible factor, which is also turned on when people acclimate to low oxygen, said Hugh Montgomery, a professor of intensive care medicine at University College London and a mountaineer who led an expedition to Mount Everest to study how humans respond to low oxygen.

“So what these people claim to have done,” he said, “is basically found a way to switch on the adaptation to low oxygen levels.”

The group took what was known from medical science, he said, “and have now applied it, recreationally, to sport mountaineering.”

Professor Montgomery said scientists were still unsure how xenon triggers this response.

This is pretty wild. I don't think this will change much of society (other than elite mountaineering) but I am curious if this will ultimately find applications in military scenarios. 

Large Hadron Collider turned lead into gold

Via the CERN website, this important news: 

In a paper published in Physical Review Journals, the ALICE collaboration reports measurements that quantify the transmutation of lead into gold in CERN’s Large Hadron Collider (LHC).

Transforming the base metal lead into the precious metal gold was a dream of medieval alchemists. This long-standing quest, known as chrysopoeia, may have been motivated by the observation that dull grey, relatively abundant lead is of a similar density to gold, which has long been coveted for its beautiful colour and rarity. It was only much later that it became clear that lead and gold are distinct chemical elements and that chemical methods are powerless to transmute one into the other.

...The ALICE analysis shows that, during Run 2 of the LHC (2015–2018), about 86 billion gold nuclei were created at the four major experiments. In terms of mass, this corresponds to just 29 picograms (2.9 ×10E-11 g). Since the luminosity in the LHC is continually increasing thanks to regular upgrades to the machines, Run 3 has produced almost double the amount of gold that Run 2 did, but the total still amounts to trillions of times less than would be required to make a piece of jewellery. While the dream of medieval alchemists has technically come true, their hopes of riches have once again been dashed.

I calculate the amount of gold created to be in the 0.0000030247 cents range (2.9 X10E-11 grams X $104.30/gram), which won't get you much of a cup of coffee these days. 

The inventor of the torpedo bat has a PhD in physics?

a torpedo bat 
Credit: NBC News

Via the Wall Street Journal, this important news: 

When Aaron Leanhardt was a graduate student in physics at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, he was part of a research team that cooled sodium gas to the lowest temperature ever recorded in human history.

What his colleagues didn’t realize was that in the rare moments when Leanhardt wasn’t toiling away at the lab, he was moonlighting as a speedy shortstop in a local amateur baseball league. Leanhardt was good enough to play in a 2001 All-Star Game at a minor-league stadium in Lowell. He hit .464 that season.

“We didn’t even know about that,” said David Pritchard, a professor emeritus at MIT.

More than two decades later, the baseball world suddenly knows all about the 48-year-old Leanhardt. He’s the inventor of the so-called “torpedo bat,” perhaps the most significant development in bat technology in decades...

I'm amused to look at his LinkedIn and see that he was a professor at the University of Michigan and then left to become a minor league hitting coach? Talk about someone who was in love with baseball! 

Also, I think it's pretty great that bats have basically been around forever, but "make the sweet spot of the bat bigger and well-customized" was apparently not a thing before? (In truth, I imagine that this is yet another incremental innovation in bat technology, but I'm not a baseball bat scholar so we'll see in ten years, I imagine.) 

MLB infielder Paul DeJong's grandmother was a Dow chemist

Via friend of the blog Stephanie, this fun article: 

WEST PALM BEACH, Fla. -- It is not uncommon for Major League players to be influenced by a professional athlete in their family. In the Nationals' clubhouse, Darren Baker, Luis García Jr. and Marquis Grissom Jr. are among those whose fathers played in the bigs.

All-Star infielder Paul DeJong was inspired by his grandmother, Sharon Whipple -- an All-Star in her own field of work. Before he reached the Majors, DeJong considered a career as a doctor and graduated from Illinois State with a degree in biochemistry.

“She had some patents on reverse osmosis when she was working back in the day,” DeJong said. “... As a kid, I always gravitated towards science and math because she was a big proponent of that, and also my mind kind of worked the same way.”

Pretty fun article - read the whole thing!

There's a trademark on 'slime'????

Via Bloomberg, this funny story: 

Mack Toys Inc. asked the US Federal Communications Commission to put conditions on Paramount Global’s pending merger with Skydance Media to prevent the two media companies from controlling the word “slime.”

Paramount’s Nickelodeon kids channel has long used green slime as a gag in its programming. The 157-page filing says Paramount’s “restrictive” enforcement of its trademark on the word creates barriers to fair competition for small businesses like Mack Toys.

Mack Toys is a family-run business selling edible toy putty called Wildputty, according to its website. A photo in the filing shows the company selling a slime product from a stand.

Paramount plans to merge in a deal that would give Skydance founder David Ellison control of the combined operation. Ellison is the son of Oracle Corp. founder Larry Ellison, the world’s fourth richest person. Mack contends Paramount’s control of the word “slime” restricts its ability to market its products.

“If the proposed Paramount Global-Skydance Media merger is approved, Larry Ellison would gain significant control over these advertising channels while also holding monopolistic control over the generic and merely descriptive mark ‘slime,’” according to the filing.

Who knew there are a thousand little chemistry kits in America violating this trademark? 

(the grown of slime as a kids' entry into science-related activities is genuinely strange to me)  

NYT at global mathematics convention

Via the New York Times, this cool story: 

The world’s largest gathering of mathematicians convened in Seattle from Jan. 8 to Jan. 11 — 5,444 mathematicians, 3,272 talks. This year the program diverged somewhat from the its traditional kaleidoscopic panorama. An official theme, “Mathematics in the Age of A.I.,” was set by Bryna Kra, the president of the American Mathematical Society, which hosts the event in collaboration with 16 partner organizations. In one configuration or another, the meeting, called the Joint Mathematics Meetings, or the J.M.M., has been held more or less annually for over a century.

Dr. Kra intended the A.I. theme as a “wake-up call.” “A.I. is something that is in our lives, and it’s time to start thinking about how it impacts your teaching, your students, your research,” she said in an interview with The New York Times. “What does it mean to have A.I. as a co-author? These are the kinds of questions that we have to grapple with.”

I feel like I've been reading the Science section of the Times for many years, but I've yet to see a dedicated story about the ACS National Meetings? Maybe we need to invite them? Anyway, read the whole thing, it's pretty cool, especially the picture of the crochet art.

Probably the coolest list you will read today

Thanks to links I don't remember(oh! this piece on animals as pharmaceutical factories by Niko McCarty & Xander Balwit), I ended up on the website of Asimov Press, and I found their pitch list. This is a wild list of pieces they would like to fund (and who knows if someone has taken them up on it?), but it is a fun idea either way.  Seems to me that this article about NSAIDs would be fun to read: 

A Brief History of Nonsteroidal Anti-Inflammatories

Nonsteroidal Anti-inflammatories (NSAIDs) are among the most prescribed medications globally. This class of drug, which includes things like Aspirin and Ibuprofen, was estimated to have a market size of roughly $18,542.5 million in 2024, according to Cognitive Market Research. The same report suggested that in 2024, North America held a major market share, accounting for more than 40 percent of the global revenue, with a market size of $7,417.00 million. As the increasing prevalence of chronic pain conditions, an aging population, and a preference for over-the-counter pain management solutions make this market ever larger, we want to know the history (and contemporary discussions) surrounding this ubiquitous drug. We often forget to marvel at the basic medicine available to us today. However, it deserves acclaim. So whether you want to dive into NSAIDs, or other such “ordinary” and “commonplace” drugs, Asimov Press is looking to extoll the basics in the medicine cabinet.

So why don't you write it! I'd even link it! (Lots of other chemistry related stories listed there.) Best wishes to those interested. 

A Christmas letter for your family

A Chemjobber Christmas tradition, updated for 2024. Send a PDF to your family - try it, it works! 

December 17, 2024

Dear family member:

This holiday season, your relative is in his or her fifth/sixth/seventh/_______ year of graduate school in chemistry. This is a delicate time in your students’ lives -- please make interactions smooth for all by following these simple suggestions:

1. Please supply lots of fresh fruit and vegetables -- they are in short supply. 

2. Do not offer pizza, which is an all-too-common part of their diets. 

3. Sleep is a rare commodity in graduate school; please turn down sheets and fluff pillows. Be prepared to see them about 24 hours after they get home.
   
   

In attempting to communicate with your graduate student, please avoid asking the following questions: 

1. When are you going to finish? 

2. What can you do with your degree? 

3. Will you be the kind of doctor that helps people? 

4. Can you make Mounjaro? I heard there’s a shortage. 

5. There's a clinical chemistry department at my hospital -- can you get a job there? 

6. Why do you need a postdoc? Haven't you gone to enough school? 

7. Did I hear Elizabeth Bik posted about your research?

8. MEGABIOGENE has opened a facility nearby -- can you get a job there?  

9. Can you write your thesis with chatGPT?

10. I see [insert high school rival here] has finished medical school -- how much will they be
    making? 

11. Have you thought about teaching? I heard professors have a stable job. 

12. When are you going to finish? 

In following these simple suggestions, I trust that you, your graduate student and your family will have a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

Very sincerely,

Chemjobber 

Meet a candy scientist and their IP

Via the Wall Street Journal, this fun bit of intellectual property trivia: 

...Taste testers wanted more flavor and felt the chewing experience wasn’t gummy enough, so Ferrara made the product even tangier and tweaked the crunch-to-chew ratio. 

In the summer of 2020, the candy company and the inventor of Nerds Gummy Clusters, a Ferrara scientist named Sean Oomens, filed for a patent on a “dual-textured confectionery” with a “chewy center” and “crunchy coating.” 

The details in the application, which is pending, included an exact definition of gummy (“a springy, resilient character with varying degrees of firmness”) and a less exact shape of the cluster (“generally ovoid, spherical or bean-shaped”). 

...Ferrara’s experiments with Gummy Clusters did result in batches of soggy Nerds, according to a person familiar with the process. The patent on Gummy Clusters suggests that Ferrara’s candy scientists solved their problem with additives such as gum arabic, an additive that prevents moisture from the chewy center from seeping into the candy pebble’s coating...

I bet it's a lot of fun to be a candy scientist, but you probably have a serious salt tooth at the end of a work day... 

makes you wonder who the PHOSITA for candy science would be... 

Fun article about perfume (and an Italian perfumer)

 Sitting here on vacation, I came across this fun New York Times Magazine article about a perfumer in Parma, Italy: 

...The final bottle of perfume went around the table. This one, called Avatar, mimicked the experience of entering a gelateria. It was the most unnervingly evocative of the three lunch scents. At first spritz, it smelled like cold marble, polished glass, wiped surfaces. Ten minutes later, the scent was that of gelato: cream, egg yolks, white sugar. Later that evening, long after lunch was over, I sniffed my left wrist and nearly shrieked. The cold marble and sugared cream had vanished. In their place was a smell that didn’t exist earlier, that seemed to arise from nothing. It was the smell of freshly baked ice cream cones. What sorcery was this?

Not any kind of sorcery, actually, if you are a chemist. Smells are made of molecules, which come in different sizes and weights and levels of complexity. Some odor molecules are detectable by humans, but in order for us to smell one, it must evaporate from wherever it lives — a ripe nectarine, a gym bag — and physically enter the nose. Because the smelly molecules that make up a perfume come in various shapes and weights, they escape and fly into noses at different rates. Some zoom up there instantly; others stubbornly refuse to take wing until hours have passed.

When perfumers — or the promotional materials that accompany a perfume — refer to top notes, middle notes (or heart notes) and base notes, this is what they mean. The molecules that evaporate speediest are the first to reach your nose, as well as the first to disappear entirely. Top notes are ephemeral. If you buy a fragrance based on the top notes, you’ll be forever trying to write a check that chemistry can’t cash. After the coy top notes come the sturdier middle notes, which have a slower rate of evaporation. The base notes last longest, sometimes through several showers. If you know the rate at which each layer evaporates, you can program a fragrance like a piece of software...

I'm sure this is well-known to perfume chemists, but I wasn't aware. Cool article. 

France has scratch-and-sniff stamps?

Via the New York Times: 

Joining the ranks of the screen goddess Brigitte Bardot and the Eiffel Tower, another French treasure is being celebrated with its own postage stamp: the baguette.

And this one is scratch-and-sniff.

The latest showcasing of French cultural heritage as Paris prepares to host millions of visitors for the Summer Olympics and Paralympics, the new stamp features a cartoon image of a baguette wrapped in a tricolor ribbon.

It was unveiled by France’s postal service on Thursday — May 16, the feast day of Saint Honoré, the patron saint of bakers.

“The baguette, the bread of our daily lives, the symbol of our gastronomy, the jewel of our culture,” the usually not-flashy postal service raved in its description of its new offering...

...Thanks to scratch-and-sniff technology, it will also transport “bakery fragrances” to those lucky enough to receive a letter from France.

I suppose that it doesn't surprise me that there are scratch-and-sniff stamps, but I guess I would be curious as to which European flavorings company was given the contract to develop "baguette smell." 

(From the essential "Nose Dive" by Harold McGee, 'white bread crust' has the components of acetyl pyrroline, methylbutanals, methylbutyric acid, methional, diacetyl, furaneol, furfural and pyrazines.) 

If a lab accident happened and no one saw it, did it really happen?

In this week's C&EN, this letter to the editor: 

I just had to comment on the two pieces from Newscripts in the April 1 issue of C&EN (page 40). In the first piece, the revelation by Jessica Pomerantz reminded me of an experience I had in 1977 in a senior-level physical chemistry class at Iowa State University. 

It involved a Lewis acid-base reaction of boron trifluoride and trimethylamine in a rather complex glass network that included a liquid-nitrogen cold trap because the reaction was so exothermic. The instructions for valve settings and operation were quite specific and stated that if they were not followed explicitly, the apparatus could explode. I arranged all valves meticulously, or so I thought, and then opened the valve on the BF₃ cylinder, which was connected to the glassware inlet by a rubber hose. Unfortunately, the one valve I forgot to open was the inlet valve to the apparatus. Within seconds, the hose popped off, and I had a fuming ball of BF₃ within 1 ft (0.3 m) or so of my face. I had the presence of mind to shut off the cylinder valve, and then I watched as the fuming cloud, which stayed intact, floated to the ceiling and rolled all the way to the other corner and escaped through a roof vent. It reminded me of the movie The Blob, except this blob rolled along the ceiling and not the floor. My classmates and the teaching assistant were so absorbed in their own work that they did not observe the blob. Nobody at Iowa State ever learned of my slight mistake. I successfully completed the experiment on the second attempt.

This brings me to the second Newscripts article. During my many years in industry and to this day, I have written numerous articles for various technical trade magazines, including Chemical Engineering, Power Engineering, and others. I am now a self-employed technical writer and consultant. From the experience above and several others during my career (such as tripping and falling into several inches of yucky flue gas desulfurization sludge), I can decidedly appreciate the title of the second piece, “And This Is Why We’re Journalists Now.”

Brad Buecker
Lawrence, Kansas

I've had my share of near misses and dumb errors and I'm glad that I can look at them with humor now. 

It is strange to me how laboratory chemical experiments of the past were seemingly so complex compared to the microscale experiments I performed in my undergraduate education in the 1990s. While we certainly generated less waste, I wonder if some of the really cool chemistry was lost to time...

(The answer to the headline is, of course, "yes.")

You can get drunk without drinking alcohol?

Via the New York Times, I learned about auto-brewery syndrome: 

...In Belgium, the brewery worker — a 40-year-old man who wishes to remain anonymous, according to his lawyer — was pulled over by the police in April 2022 and registered a blood-alcohol reading that was more than four times the legal limit. A month later, he was pulled over again and registered more than three times the limit.

It was the third time the man had been cited — he had been pulled over and fined for driving under the influence in 2019. He was unaware that he had A.B.S. until his latest charge — tests administered by three doctors confirmed that he had the condition and validated his claim in court.

“I think he was somehow relieved that he finally knew what was up,” the man’s lawyer, Anse Ghesquiere, said. Her client is now following a strict diet and receiving medical treatment to avoid flare-ups and manage the condition...

According to this paper, it's cured with anti-fungal medication and a low-sugar diet. To be honest, this doesn't sound very fun. 

Tennessee General Assembly passes bill to ban atmospheric geoengineering

Via the BBC, this news:

Tennessee lawmakers have passed a bill banning the release of airborne chemicals that critics say is inspired by "chemtrails" conspiracy theories.

The bill forbids "intentional injection, release, or dispersion" of chemicals into the air.

It doesn't explicitly mention chemtrails, which conspiracy theorists believe are poisons spread by planes.

Instead it broadly prohibits "affecting temperature, weather, or the intensity of the sunlight".

The Republican-sponsored bill passed along party lines on Monday. If it is signed by Tennessee's governor, Republican Bill Lee, it will go into effect on 1 July.

Just to check, I verified that this was an actual bill that was actually debated and voted on (and passed) in the Tennessee General Assembly. This was not an April Fool's Joke.** Sadly, an amendment to add Sasquatch was voted down (I think.)

I wonder if Tennessee state representative Monty Fritts is concerned about other chemicals in the atmosphere? Surely he understands that, say, burning anything puts chemicals into the atmosphere that could affect temperature and weather?

*Here's another article from a different outlet showing the bill's movement through the general assembly.  

Better late than never?

Via BlueSky, this hilarious email to Dr. Andrew Thaler. 

(Why does it seem like HR departments aren't very good at all of this communicating?) 

(my crazy idea: a federal law that requires employers to provide a rejection with 6 to 9 months of initial application. Maybe it should be accompanied by some kind of lawsuit amnesty? (i.e. you can't be sued for simply saying "no" to an applicant), although you would want to have way to preserve the ability to sue for legitimate discrimination claims.) 

The Best Obituary About Slide Rules Geeks You Will Read Today

 Via the New York Times, this delightful* obituary: 

...One day, about 20 years later, a middle-aged avionics engineer by the name of Walter Shawlee was looking through a drawer at his home in Kelowna, a midsize city in British Columbia, when he happened upon his old slide rule from high school.

It was a Keuffel & Esser pocket Deci-Lon, model 68-1130, with a slender Ivorite body and delicate see-through cursor box. Both had stood the test of time. Mr. Shawlee remembered that as a teenager he had spent six months saving up money to buy it.

Mr. Shawlee was not merely a slide-rule sentimentalist in thrall to memories of teenage geekdom. He argued that slide rules had intrinsic appeal for several reasons.

He saw dignity, for example, in their solidity and design. A 1999 Times profile quoted Mr. Shawlee describing slide rules as “the techno-guys’ version of a broadsword.” On his website, The Slide Rule Universe, he contrasted them with digital technology. “In 50 years, the computer you are using to view this webpage will be landfill,” he wrote, “but your trusty slide rule will just be nicely broken in!”

You have to check out his website in all of its 1999 glory. As a weird guy with a weird blog, I love it. RIP Walter Shawlee. 

*yes, I recognize the irony

A Christmas letter for your family

A Chemjobber Christmas tradition, updated for 2023. Send a PDF to your family - try it, it works! 

December 20, 2023

Dear family member:

This holiday season, your relative is in his or her fifth/sixth/seventh/_______ year of graduate school in chemistry. This is a delicate time in your students’ lives -- please make interactions smooth for all by following these simple suggestions:

1. Please supply lots of fresh fruit and vegetables -- they are in short supply. 

2. Do not offer pizza, which is an all-too-common part of their diets. 

3. Sleep is a rare commodity in graduate school; please turn down sheets and fluff pillows. Be prepared to see them about 24 hours after they get home.
   
   

In attempting to communicate with your graduate student, please avoid asking the following questions: 

1. When are you going to finish? 

2. What can you do with your degree? 

3. Will you be the kind of doctor that helps people? 

4. Can you make Ozempic? I heard there’s a shortage. 

5. There's a clinical chemistry department at my hospital -- can you get a job there? 

6. Why do you need a postdoc? Haven't you gone to enough school? 

7. Did I hear your paper was on PubPeer?

8. MEGABIOGENE has opened a facility nearby -- can you get a job there?  

9. How about a startup? I hear AI is still hot. 

10. I see [insert high school rival here] has finished medical school -- how much will they be
    making? 

11. Have you thought about teaching? I heard professors have a stable job. 

12. When are you going to finish? 

In following these simple suggestions, I trust that you, your graduate student and your family will have a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

Very sincerely,

Chemjobber

Always the local angle

 

The history of The Ames Project

 Via Iowa Public Radio, a podcast about Harvey Wilhelm: 

You may be hearing more about the Manhattan Project because of Christopher Nolan’s new film Oppenheimer. What you may not have heard is Iowa State University's important connection to the Manhattan Project.

Author Teresa Wilhelm Waldof shares the work of her grandfather, Harley Wilhelm, an Iowa chemist who was based in Ames. Wilhelm's large contributions to producing pure uranium moved the Manhattan Project forward. His work also lead to the creation of the Ames Project and Ames National Laboratory. 

This tidbit from Professor Wilhelm's Wikipedia page is interesting (emphasis mine): 

 After graduation, Wilhelm joined the faculty of the Intermountain Union College in Helena, Montana, where he taught chemistry and coached the football team. His coaching efforts were unsuccessful, and he returned to Iowa State as a graduate assistant, becoming an instructor in chemistry in 1929. He earned his Ph.D. in 1931, writing his thesis on "Band spectra produced by certain explosion mixtures" under the supervision of W. H. Jennings. He then joined the Iowa State faculty, becoming an assistant professor in 1940, and associate professor in 1944, and ultimately a full professor in 1945. He continued to play baseball, pitching for Ames Merchant, a semi-professional team for many years.

According to this, he pitched into middle age. Can't imagine opposing batters were happy about being struck out by a professor.