Wednesday, April 18, 2012

From the archives of Herodotus, as translated by Chemjobber


Xerxes attending the whipping of the HPLC
(based on painting from Wikipedia)
The Persians then began to synthesize compounds to attempt to cure the maladies that befell them, the Phoenicians working on a series of triazoles, and the Egyptians concentrating on a set of azaindoles. But no sooner had the compounds been submitted for biological testing than the word came back from quality control that their compounds were impure.

Xerxes the project manager flew into a rage at this, and he commanded that the HPLC be struck with three hundred strokes of the whip and that a pair of foot-chains be attached to its pump. He also commanded the analysts to speak outlandish and arrogant words: "You hateful instrument, our master lays his judgment on you thus, for you have unjustly punished the team even though we have done you no wrong and performed our necessary preventative maintenance! Xerxes the project manager will succeed, whether you wish it or not! It is fitting that no chemist offer you sacrifices, for you are a faithless tool!"

In these ways he commanded that the HPLC be punished and also that the heads be severed from all those who led the project subgroups.

(Parody of a translation of Herodotus.) 
Posted by at
Labels: ,

10 comments:

  1. See Arr OhApril 18, 2012 at 10:50 AM

    I heard that the Tsar blinded all those who worked on Taxol, that they might never again make such a thing of beauty...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ChemjobberApril 18, 2012 at 10:55 AM

      ...the formulators, on the other hand, remain with sight.

      Delete
    2. AnonymousApril 18, 2012 at 11:13 PM

      But the formulators deserved to be at least lashed for using using nasty Cremophor in the formulation! ;)

      (Yes I once worked with a a non Cremophor based paclitaxel formulation)

      Delete
    3. ChemjobberApril 19, 2012 at 9:36 AM

      I'm glad someone got my joke.

      Delete
  2. AnonymousApril 18, 2012 at 10:59 AM

    Are you sure this isn't from an old AstraZeneca leadership manual?

    ReplyDelete
  3. SaraApril 18, 2012 at 11:09 AM

    HAHAHAHA! Thanks for a good laugh! :D

    ReplyDelete
  4. Colorblind ChemistApril 18, 2012 at 1:49 PM

    If you had this made into a poster that looked like a scroll or something like that, I would totally buy one for the lab.

    ReplyDelete
  5. AnonymousApril 18, 2012 at 2:00 PM

    CJ, you are a beast!

    ReplyDelete
  6. milkshakenApril 18, 2012 at 2:51 PM

    I thought they do not cut off the heads of subgroup leaders anymore, and that the worst you can expect is to have your limbs hacked off at HR then be send on your merry way to a ravine from a hilltop, your trunk rolling down like a tree log.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Unstable IsotopeApril 19, 2012 at 12:06 PM

    The Spartans, on the other hand, sent the HPLC out to the forest to live on its own.

    ReplyDelete

looks like Blogger doesn't work with anonymous comments from Chrome browsers at the moment - works in Microsoft Edge, or from Chrome with a Blogger account - sorry! CJ 3/21/20

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)