16 The postdoc who had received the five experiments went at once and performed them, and she published two papers more.
17 So also he who had the two experiments performed them and published one paper.
18 But he who had received the one experiment searched the literature and found his advisor’s experiment already published.
19 Now after a long time the advisor returned and held group meeting once more.
20 And she who had received the five experiments came forward, bringing two publications more, saying, ‘Professor, you delivered to me five experiments; here I have made two publications more.’ 21 Her professor said to her, ‘Well done, good and faithful postdoc. You have been faithful over a little; I will call on my acquaintances to employ you. Enter into the favor of your professor.’
22 And he also who had the two experiments came forward, saying, ‘Professor, you delivered to me two experiments; here I have made one publication more.’ 23 His advisor said to him, ‘Well done, good and faithful graduate student. You have been faithful over a little; I will bestow additional projects of promise. Enter into the favor of your professor.’
24 He also who had received the one experiment came forward, saying, ‘Professor, I knew you to be a hard advisor, being cited where you had no publications, and speculating where you had no data, 25 so I was cautious, and I further searched and found precedent in the literature showing your experiment would not bear fruit.’
26 But his advisor answered him, ‘You wicked and willful graduate student! You knew that I speculated where I had no data? 27 Then you ought to have read the literature and developed your own project. 28 So take the experiment from him and give it to him who has the two experiments. 29 For to everyone who has will more be given, and they will have an abundance. But from the one who has not, even what he has will be taken away.’
30 And he cast the woeful student out of the laboratory with no recommendation. In that place there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.
with apologies to Matthew