Friday, October 15, 2010

A few chemistry beatitudes

Blessed are the poor in yield, for they shall have to repeat their reactions.

Blessed are those who mourn old lab romances, for they will have late-night drunk hookups.

Blessed are the meek, for they are the silent Chinese postdocs who don't sleep, but have thick notebooks.

Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for free food and drink, for theirs are the pre-seminar refreshments.

Blessed are the merciful, for they will not ask or be asked in group meeting.

Blessed are those with pure compounds, for they will praise God for their clean baselines.

Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be the confidants of all in the lab.

Blessed are those who work alone in the lab, for they can play their music as loudly as they wish.

With apologies to Matthew.

16 comments:

  1. Blessed are those who push the base bath, for they will ensure that all can savour the rare Schlenk flask or short-path distillation head.

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  2. Haha, that's awesome chemjobber! There are also the "woes" in the Luke version of the beatitudes:

    But woe to you who are rich in NMR tubes, for they shall be stolen from your drawer.

    And woe to you who are full from Indian buffet lunch, for you will pass out at your desk.

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  3. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's precious metal catalysts, especially if he/she had synthesized them de novo because of budget constraints.

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  4. Blessed are those who are the sons of KCN, DLB, PSB, WRR, BMT, PAW, DAE, ENJ, EJC, LEO, ABSIII, SVL, DWCM and other select fathers, for theirs is the Kingdom of Big Pharma.

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  5. "Blessed are those who work alone in the lab"..

    Shame on you!

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  6. Yea, though I walk through the valley of unassignable doublets, I will fear no recrystallization.

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  7. Blessed are those who keep their isocyanates, thioisocyanates, selenides, phosphines, & stannanes in their fume hoods, for they will not incur the wrath of their labmates!

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  8. Blessed are those who return the common-use columns clean to the designated drawer, for they will not defile their fellow labmate's precious intermediates.

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  9. so based on my walk home from lab
    blessed are those older football fans because they will save you from a group of drunk and angry visiting football fans

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  10. Blessed are those who sit facing the entrance to the lab; for they shalt not be caught looking on facebook by their supervisor.

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  11. anon @5:06pm - so long as any water washings have been rinsed from the sinter!

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  12. Blessed are those who clean out the bump traps of shared rotovaps, for their coworkers will not be surprised by extra peaks in their NMR spectra.

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  13. Blessed are those who kep a bottle of hexanes nearby, yea, thy grease shall not defile my glassware

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  14. Ah, the memories! Have flow the lab/coop for the ministry! May use this in someway this week as I preach on the beatitudes!

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  15. A1:11p: You're joking. If not (and you would like to talk about your transition), e-mail me at chemjobber /at/ gmaildotcom.

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