Friday, January 18, 2013

In Reversal, Chromium Is Said to Weigh Admitting Nickel Use

LAGUNA BEACH, CA (CJ Press) - Chromium, who in 1986 was forced to share credit with the element nickel for a key carbon-carbon bond forming reaction, has told associates and academic chemists that it is considering publicly admitting that it uses performance-enhancing nickel during its catalytic cycle.

Chromium would do this, the associate said, because it desires to come clean and recover from the negative image from movies such as "Erin Brockovich" and really big bumpers from 1950s Chevies.

For more than two decades, Chromium has vehemently denied ever nickel, palladium, or manganese doping, even after academic chemists laid out their case against the element in numerous high-profile reports in the chemical literature, including lot-to-lot elemental analyses, interviews with other elements and reports from multiple laboratories from different institutions across the globe.

When asked if Chromium might admit to nickel doping, its longtime lawyer said, "Chromium has to speak for itself on that, perhaps only to Oprah or Rudy Baum."

(inspired by this NYT article)

8 comments:

  1. Lance Armstrong should have shut up and kept quiet if he knew what's good for him. Not that I necessarily feel bad for him making this terrible choice of leaving himself open to lawsuits of all sorts via self-incrimination.

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  2. YAWN...!!!
    I'd say you lay off attempts of humorously commenting on news of the day. This isn't. The other one wasn't either.

    Let's face it: Jon Stewart you aren't.

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    1. I'm glad you could get that off your chest, fella.

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    2. Breaking News: Upon learning of his total irrelevance to modern satire, CJ packs up his tent and steals off into the desert, clearing the way for more late-night talking heads goofing about Jersey Shore, Paris Hilton, and crafting Gangnam Style parodies.

      What a world, what a world.

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    3. i thought it was pretty cornball as well. but then i also find jon stewart unwatchable. to each his own

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  3. Stewie Griffin:
    I actually quite enjoyed it. I guess that makes me lame.

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  4. So did I. Anyway, Jon Stewart didn't impress me with his take on the trillion dollar platinum coin. CJ's was better.
    Guess I'm also lame. Oh well....

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  5. The Cadillacs of the mid-1950s are better example of extensive use of Cr.

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