|Professor Slavedriver holding LAB FALCON|
Credit: sUAS News
The LAB FALCON took off at 10:36 a.m. Central Standard Time from Professor Hardass Slavedriver's office and climbed to a ceiling of 15 feet within Slavedriver-controlled labspace, far above and at a safe distance from bench worker countermeasures. During its six hours aloft, the LAB FALCON spotted 3 workers playing Counterstrike, 2 playing Farmville and one unauthorized viewing of the blog Chemjobber. The UAS offers principal investigators the capability to view, assess and if deemed necessary, neutralize such time-wasting activities with its onboard cameras, lasers and Hellfire missiles.
"This successful flight demonstrates the LAB FALCON program's systems integration capabilities and cutting-edge technologies. NIH pays for all of this extramural funding, and we cannot take any chances that our money is not resulting 110% commitment to work, work, work at the bench," said Dr. Arrr Oh-Wan, program manager at NIH for the LAB FALCON program.
LAB FALCON is planned for deployment to all NIH-funded facilities, with PIs receiving flight training within the year. Northrup Grumman has already received multiple inquiries from PIs for additional armaments to LAB FALCON.
Parody of this press release.