Friday, August 23, 2013

17 things management doesn't want to hear during a tour of your facility

"Let's show you the laboratory. And we're growing by leaps and bounds -- orders are up, we've got lots of inquiri-"
  1. "What's that smell?" 
  2. "Pull the pin, pull the friggin' pin on the extinguisher!"
  3. "That data is bulls--t and you know it!" 
  4. "YOUR MOM!"
  5. "Do they know that we make a 1000% margin on this compound?" 
  6. "This POS HPLC couldn't find a peak with two hands and a flashlight!"
  7. "Quick, hide!"
  8. "This company sucks." 
  9. "There's not a chance in hell we'll get this contract." 
  10. "Look at all this dirty glassware." 
  11. "Here come the suits." 
  12. 他妈的!
  13. "I can't wait for 5 o'clock -- I'm gonna get a beer..." 
  14. "Hey, get a paper towel -- I think my hood shut down." 
  15. "Did you get your Ph.D. from a Cracker Jack box?" 
  16. "Do you think we know that we shipped them a sample from Aldrich?" 
  17. "Uh-oh." 


  1. "Let me remind you that we don't not have FDA approval for this, so maybe add a lit more fungizone to that..."

  2. Him? He's not a chemist, he's a… janitor… yeah. Who gave him a labcoat?

  3. "Hey, this cold trap is full of pale blue liquid" (I actually did that one, right during a management tour of our labs, with potential investors in tow)

  4. "Who is John Galt?"

  5. "Who let the dogs out?" (Either musically, or literally)

    "We're 4% short of the promised amount; just toss in some NaCl."

    "Betcha won't lick it."