Wednesday, January 11, 2012

12 things your HPLC would say to you, if it could

  1. Hey, look, it's sample 3 of 50 in an overnight run. Time to quit. 
  2. I'm running out of mobile phase, dummy.
  3. You need some key data? I want to talk about the pressure on this column. Who do you think's going to win this conversation? 
  4. Would you quit cycling the carousels and just empty out all the old evaporated vials? 
  5. I've seen you looking at that Agilent tramp. You'll quit it if you know what's good for you. 
  6. I love the look on your face when you're seeing if there's another peak... and look, there it is! 
  7. You think that muck's got your product in it? Dream on. 
  8. Prayer won't get you a stable baseline, buddy. 
  9. I'm making a funny noise so you'll PAY ATTENTION TO ME. Dammit, it never works. 
  10. Did you syringe filter your sample? Oh, you're so sweet.
  11. You're cute when you're enraged at me. 
  12. ...And I'm out of mobile phase. Oh, well, guess I'll take a nap! 


  1. 13) ... or let's switch to GC

  2. 14) you think that analytical run is gonna scale? GOOD LUCK.

  3. I've never used a HPLC but from comments I've seen they must be finicky beasts.

  4. 15) What did you expect? Put garbage in, get garbage out!

  5. 16) Now for even more pain let's connect to the MS Detector

  6. Do you really think more theoretical plates will resolve that? I pressurize in your general direction!

  7. Stop using me so much and just run a normal phase column...not everything needs to be separated via HPLC. Give me a break and use the peasant Isco over there.

  8. Hey, you know the nitrogen gauge on the ELSD that you've been ignoring? It's on empty, now!


looks like Blogger doesn't work with anonymous comments from Chrome browsers at the moment - works in Microsoft Edge, or from Chrome with a Blogger account - sorry! CJ 3/21/20