Friday, March 15, 2013

12 things to do at a company banquet

Not that I've done any of these...:
  • Obtain seat closest to bar and food. 
  • Obtain table far enough away from bosses' table
  • Make sure you have good tablemates, i.e. ones that will not report your behavior.
  • Check contents of hip flask. 
  • Bogart all needed butter, condiments. 
  • Obtain location of afterparty. 
  • Be sure to obtain enough food/drink to last you through after-dinner speechmaking. 
  • Discreetly pull out, distribute boss speech bingo cards. 
  • Snort loudly, just once. 
  • Attempt to keep eye rolling to a minimum; allow spouse to kick you under table, if necessary. 
  • Count blessings that company has lasted another year to have another party. 
  • Recheck/refill contents of hip flask. 
Have a good weekend! 


  1. The Aqueous LayerMarch 15, 2013 at 4:40 PM

    Work party?

  2. Office/work parties should come with a warning label:

    Be aware that libations might lead to verbalizing your internal monologue.
    Your gauge for how funny your quips are will be compromised. Snark with care.