"We understand that the nation's academics are experiencing challenges due to market conditions and that food banks continue to see strong demand for fresh meat of any variety, even postdocs, which are a little gamy," said Agriculture Secretary Tom Vilsack. "This commodity purchase is part of a robust, comprehensive safety net that will help reduce a postdoc surplus that is at a 30-year high while, at the same time, moving a high-protein, science-based and soft-skilled food to the tables of those most in need. USDA will continue to look for ways within its authorities to make tasty meals from underemployed postdocs and provide for added stability in the academic marketplace."
"By supporting a strong academic safety net and growing domestic and foreign markets for well-trained, highly-skilled meat that can solve the toughest problems, USDA is committed to helping America's Ph.D.-producing operations remain successful while expanding the alternatives to tenure-track academic positions to include being ground up for dinner," said Vilsack.
While USDA projects postdoctoral demand to increase throughout the rest of the year, many factors including low world prices for postdoctoral labor, increased Ph.D. supplies and inventories, and slower demand have contributed to the sluggish marketplace for research scientists.
USDA will continue to monitor market conditions in the coming months and evaluate additional actions, if necessary, later this fall.
For the literal-minded, this is satire.
with mild apologies to the Department of Agriculture