Friday, June 14, 2013

I can't compete with this

From the comments at In the Pipeline in reaction to the management moves at Merck, someone who is much, much better at The Onion-style satire than I am:
MERCK TO CUT WORKFORCE 120 PERCENT 
NEW YORK, N.Y. (AP.com) - Merck will reduce its workforce by an unprecedented 120 percent by the end of 2013, believed to be the first time a major corporation has laid off more employees than it actually has. Merck stock soared more than 12 points on the news.
The reduction decision, announced Wednesday, came after a year-long internal review of cost-cutting procedures. The initial report concluded the company would save $1.2 billion by eliminating 20 percent of its 85,000 employees. 
From there, said a spokesperson, "it didn't take a genius to figure out that if we cut 40 percent of our workforce, we'd save $2.4 billion, and if we cut 100 percent of our workforce, we'd save $6 billion. But then we thought, why stop there? Let's cut another 20 percent and save $7 billion.
Believe it or not, it gets better. Go have a read. Have a great weekend (and yes, more comments on Sturgeon coming.) 

6 comments:

  1. http://www.cafepharma.com/boards/showthread.php?t=267522

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The names have changed, but the game remains the same!

      Delete
  2. It's not far from the truth probably, - I am sure that the total number of people who lost their jobs through Merck-related M&A's compares well with their headcounts. I have no doubt that Pfizer destroyed more jobs than it currently provides.

    ReplyDelete
  3. As a person who has never worked for Merck I wouldn't mind to get a lay off from them as long as they provide good severance package :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dream on! I hear that from the year 2008 on wards to date, the package is slowly getting smaller. But I agree with Anonymous to stay put and wait your turn to get that package.

      Delete
  4. Sideline ChemistJune 17, 2013 at 8:51 PM

    The first anonymous had it correct. This story has been around since 2008 (and most likely before that). Real original to just swap Merck for Pfizer.

    ReplyDelete