Thursday, June 27, 2013

I love these sorts of ads

Via LinkedIn, a human resources person that got really bored at Chromatic Technologies in Colorado Springs: 
We are looking for another genius to add to our team who is capable of becoming an expert in: 
1. Microencapsulation, 2. Ink formulation, 3. Coating formulation, 4. Desire to work in research laboratory, 5. Project management, 6. Comfortable testing products in the field with customers, 7. Smart materials, 8. Organic Chemistry

We need a person who has: 1. Passion, 2. Solid work ethic, 3. A capacity to work tirelessly to help the team, 4. A value for personal relationships, 5. Willingness to work overtime to complete tasks, 6. Solution mentality, 7. A unique perspective, 8. Serious drive to innovate, 9. Intellectual curiosity, 10. A positive attitude to solving hard problems, 11. A love for creating things, 12. Resilience to set-backs, 13. Tack [sic] record of success 
Desired Skills & Experience: PhD or Masters in Organic Chemistry - but someone who is blindingly intelligent, innovative, passionate, and willing to commit themselves to a fantastic company are welcome to apply! 
Company Description: World's leader in innovation. The best - and still not satisfied. Experts in thermochromic inks and coatings.
Uh, wow.  

16 comments:

  1. I feel I am capable in becoming an expert at having desire to work in a research laboratory.

    My love for creating things and positive tack record should speak for themselves.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The Aqueous LayerJune 27, 2013 at 1:01 PM

      Yes, but your TLC skills have been questioned publicly...

      ;)

      Delete
  2. Can you please turn this into a Mad-Libs? It has that general feel to it.

    ReplyDelete
  3. The Aqueous LayerJune 27, 2013 at 12:00 PM

    ...and be willing to earn ~$50K a year.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ... in a city where a WW2 bungalow costs half a million dollars.

      Delete
    2. That's what I make. Get used to it, bub.

      Delete
    3. No, don't get used to it - because if you do, you will get used. And all you get for your work is geting old, tired and downsized.

      Delete
    4. What is the alternative option, become homeless?

      Delete
  4. They want Sheldon Cooper's brother.

    ReplyDelete
  5. We owe this company so much. Without their blindingly intelligent innovations, we would have no way of knowing if our beer cans are cold or not.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Also, HR department has immediate opening for someone who understands parallel structure.

    ReplyDelete
  7. "4. A value for personal relationships", and a willingness to ignore those to satisfy criteria 3 and 5.

    "6. Solution mentality", we have no use for precipitates....

    "7. A unique perspective," as we're all individuals...wait, I'm not....

    "9. Intellectual curiosity", and willing to set that aside, shut up, and do as you're told.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Ugh - I encountered something like this a few years ago. The had a questionnaire and wanted to know my favorite movie, amoung other things. They have since gone out of business.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Sending in my CV now. Gotta love a company with a sense of humor.

    Or no sense of self.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "Gotta love a company with a sense of humor."

      I'm not sure they were trying to be funny. There are a lot of HR idiots who believe crap like that.

      Delete
  10. How does someone get to be "the world's leader at innovation"? Is there a ranking system? How do you train? What do you do?

    Maybe their value for personal relationships is like that of the military - they like the stability families impart (or maybe it's just the "having someone else cover your needs so you don't have to leave work to cover them yourself" part) but don't want you to actually spend any time on them ("if we wanted you to have a family, we would have issued you one.")

    ReplyDelete