Friday, March 15, 2013

12 things to do at a company banquet

Not that I've done any of these...:
  • Obtain seat closest to bar and food. 
  • Obtain table far enough away from bosses' table
  • Make sure you have good tablemates, i.e. ones that will not report your behavior.
  • Check contents of hip flask. 
  • Bogart all needed butter, condiments. 
  • Obtain location of afterparty. 
  • Be sure to obtain enough food/drink to last you through after-dinner speechmaking. 
  • Discreetly pull out, distribute boss speech bingo cards. 
  • Snort loudly, just once. 
  • Attempt to keep eye rolling to a minimum; allow spouse to kick you under table, if necessary. 
  • Count blessings that company has lasted another year to have another party. 
  • Recheck/refill contents of hip flask. 
Have a good weekend! 


  1. The Aqueous LayerMarch 15, 2013 at 4:40 PM

    Work party?

  2. Office/work parties should come with a warning label:

    Be aware that libations might lead to verbalizing your internal monologue.
    Your gauge for how funny your quips are will be compromised. Snark with care.


looks like Blogger doesn't work with anonymous comments from Chrome browsers at the moment - works in Microsoft Edge, or from Chrome with a Blogger account - sorry! CJ 3/21/20